Things I Can't Do

Birthdays are just those horrible days that remind you that you should be one more year wiser. I even hear that little voice of reason inside me scream that I can do anything, that nothing is impossible. Yet I think it's time to accept that there are just some things I will never be able to do.

Like doing my hair. Don't get me wrong, I'll still try, (even bought myself one of them straight irons for my birthday) but it's safe to say that if after 37 years I haven't mastered this daily chore, really, I never will.

Sing. I enjoy listening to singing, and there's a magic there I don't understand but feel in my soul. I long ago accepted that the beauty of song was in my ears, not my voice.

Kill little pests. I mean, mice freak me out, gophers annoy me, snakes are always in my way, but I just can't kill them. Relocate-- let them freak out, annoy and get in the way of my friends.

Figure out Google Plus. I love that place. I feel the potential there. I see the interactions. I watch others doing things, but for the love of writing, what is it?

Wear high heels. Another thing I can't figure out. Why do I need to pretend I'm taller by cramming my extra large feet into that tiny itty bitty slant? Can't do it.

Cook a perfect meal. We'll survive, we made it this far. This one really just come down to my attention span, it's easily distracted by other kitchen chores I have neglected.

Draw. What my mind sees can't ever be recreated with that much detail or perfection, not by these clumsy hands anyway. Words have always been more my thing.

Which brings me to writing. What is it I can't do as a writer? 

Take a day off. I'd kinda like to know that I could go without writing for a day or several and come back to it, but something inside me screams that if I taste freedom, I won't ever chain myself to my desk again. Maybe I'm just obsessive. Passionate. Insane. afraid.

I considered picking one of my non-talents and working on them, perfecting them, or at the very least making the attempt, but then, really, do I have time to waste on things I haven't cared enough about to master yet?

What has wisdom taught you? Are there things you accept that you can't do?

Is Chasing Boys Even a Talent?

I went on my first cross-country race because I wanted a day off from school. I wanted to meet kids from other schools. I was basically just being me.

Now there were some in our group who were so nervous about this race, they threw up. I wasn't one of them. I never really understood the competitive nature of any sport, and at 36, I still don't.  But that's okay, I still learn things in my own weird way.

We had to run with the boys in a ditch between the highway and the woods. We weren't against the guys, just running with, I guess this saves time in these long races. So our clump sets off and the guys sprinted ahead of us girls. Well, the girls were at a leisurely jog, gabbing and all seemed to know each other. One was ahead of me and had her hood up, and there was also a guy a few paces behind Hoody. So I decided I'd go meet them, since meeting two seemed easier than integrating into a pack of girls, and I had to talk to someone. I mean, it was a long race.

So the guy talked with me. I learnt that he was from the Reservation and that he planned to be a doctor. He was very nice, but after awhile he said, "Guess I should join the other guys, eh?" and with a chuckle he sprinted up to the pack that was ahead of us. The group of gals was very far behind us, and I wasn't about to stop running to let them catch up, so that left me and the gal in the hoody. But every time I got closer, she glanced over her shoulder at me and sprinted ahead. Okay rude.

A few minutes in, I realized we were alone. The clump of guys in front of us were thinning out, and the gaggle of gabbers was lost around the bend. Still, she wouldn't let me run with her. Maybe she didn't like talking while she ran. We were running fast, way faster than I was used to.

Oh.

She was running to win. Well, okay, I could respect that, right? So I followed her, no conversation. At least we were together, because the idea of running along the woods by myself was frankly, a little terrifying. It was a long run, but the scenery was nice and people drove by to cheer us on and I felt safe with this rude chicky in front of me. Although, I must admit, she could run fast. I was actually getting a little tired when I saw the finish line ahead of me. And well, I usually didn't run hard enough to get played out! With a glance over her shoulder she sprinted ahead, and so I sprinted too, still not sure why, but it was fun to kick it up a notch.

Now our sprint really got  the people at the finish line going nuts. My school group was almost on top of the bus. Geesh. So before anything, I walked up to this gal who was so dedicated to win, and "she" drops her hoody and reveals the shocking truth. I'd been chasing after a guy. The girls still were no where in sight. That's right, this guy didn't want a gal to beat him. I wasn't sure if I should be insulted or feel guilty for chasing after him, but I didn't have time to fret about him and his ego because that meant...

I actually won a race I went to for fun. And not only won, I was standing there recovering and the girls were still out there someplace. I had no idea I could run as fast as a guy. It meant I wasn't pushing myself half as hard as I should be. It meant I could do better. And even though I won, it didn't feel like I did.


I mean, in what world is chasing after a guy who wanted nothing to do with me, followed by a group of girls who I found intimidating a talent?

Ever stand in a crowd of cheering people and feel utterly alone? 

That was me. No one knew the truth but me. I sucked. I wasn't talented at all, I was just afraid to run alone. I was just intimidated by the gals I wanted to meet. I hadn't really meant to win.

Still everyone; coaches, friends, family, nurtured my "talent". I ran many races and brought home many medals trying to prove to myself that I didn't suck. It never got me anywhere, but it taught me drive, determination, endurance, and that it's not about winning, but actually wanting something no one else understands.

What talents do you have and how were they discovered? What did they teach you?