They Didn't Have an Award for the Girls.

When I was in grade 1, I won an award. It was for track and field and was beautiful. I had just won the most powerful thing I'd ever seen. It had this red gem fastened to the base that shined like a ruby and the golden man on top of it was a strong warrior. It was a symbol of my great accomplishment, my hard work, and was awesome. I was going to display it with pride.

But! I wasn't allowed to keep this trophy.

I'm not sure if it was because my mom freaked out or someone else. In fact, I wasn't allowed to even touch it. I was told I would get another one to replace it. A more fitting one. When I looked heartbroken, I was given a popsicle to shut me up. I cried on my popsicle.

I didn't understand why I couldn't keep my trophy when the others could. So I approached one of the other winners from grade 5 and 6 who was obviously better in the know. I will forever remember the pride in that boy's eyes. His smile spoke volumes when he said, "You did awesome, today." Then he explained to me that a girl had never won before and they didn't know what to do.

Um... give me my trophy?

Nope. I was told I would get a better one. I wasn't sure yet what was wrong with the one they'd picked out. Later, I stole the trophy from the Sister (Don't worry, she was used to me not listening to her) so I could look at it. Was I really not allowed to have it because I was a girl? What would they do to it?

My mom explained it to me. It was the man on top. Because I was a girl, I should have a trophy with a woman on it. The trophy wasn't fitting. So of course, I asked the obvious questions, "Why didn't they have trophies for the girls?" The competition had been fair. Both girls and boys had competed for the same prize. So why didn't they think a girl could win? Perhaps the world wasn't ready for me. Because I didn't plan to let the fact that I was a girl stop me from doing my best.

Well. Later, (it felt like years and years later) I was given my new trophy. It sucked. I did not get a cool ceremony like the other winners (the boys) had enjoyed. The beautiful red ruby was gone and had left a mark on the marble since they kept the base. I was now staring at a woman athlete who looked pretty feeble compares the strong man of the others. Yes, she sucked.

I felt singled out and different, yet I was not. I was equal to every other winner and that older boy hadn't looked upset at all that a girl had won. We had been measured by the same standards and I had won fair and square.

Yet. I was ashamed and cheated and pissed off, but! it felt like a challenge.

Someone even told me that I should sometimes let the boys win. A woman told me this as if I missed the memo and this was secretly what women were doing.

I threw the trophy away.

It became a frustrating reminder that when boys and girls were treated the same in competitions that society did not expect a girl to walk among the victors.

The following year, on the award stand there were prizes of equal beauty for boys and girls and even though the divisions of the groups and the pointing system were no longer universal, a boy and a girl won in each group, somehow, through math that only a grownup could understand.

I, however, did not win. I was placed in competition with an older grade instead of with children my own age, but then the points I earned were measured against the girls of my age. Which makes no sense to me. I did win one or two of the challenges because I refused to go down without a fight, but in the end, I did not win a trophy. And I would not win again until highschool where the rating system meant I was competing against only girls, and all of them my own age. Winning had lost all value to me by that time. It wasn't about winning, but about knowing I was walking away having done my absolute best and that I had fun doing it.

This experience changed my view on things and made me who I am. I am only ever in competition with myself. And I am hard on myself, much harder than society or my peers would be.

I am happy to say, though, that girls did win that year. And they enjoyed the same ceremony as the boys. And!! this time, the trophy had a green gem in it, and the woman was just as strong as the man in the statue beside her. Small victory, but only now do I understand how I changed things for some of those future gals; some even went to provincial competitions where they competed against other girls their own age in a very fair system, and they rocked it. I am proud of them.

I did notice, though, that not once was there only trophies on that podium that were all of women warriors.  Just saying.

I wish I would have kept that ugly trophy, because now it means something to me. It means I made change, not on purpose, but because I am me. And I matter. We all do.

In a competition where women and men are being evaluated as equals, the awards should be gender neutral and either should be expected to win. And the winner should be proud to stand among these other winners and tell them they did awesome.

Lately, there's been some questions concerning awards where both men and women are in equal competition. What title should these awards have? I like the gender neutral titles because it means things were fair, and that either are expected to win.

What about you? As a man would you accept an award with a woman on it because it's all they brought to the podium? As a woman would you be proud to accept an award with a man on it because they were sure a man would win?

We might be competing for the same prize, but win or lose, we deserve respect.

Eerie Emails

So today, I got an email from December 31st, 1969.
There was no sender. No subject.

I deleted it and left. Came back into my emails and there it was again.

I deleted it again. And left again. Checked again and there it was. AGAIN.

So I left and freaked out.

When I checked again, it was gone.

All my other emails are normal. Except one I had deleted that morning was there again. Only one of many I had deleted.

A glitch?

Sounds like the start of a good horror story, but after I considered all magical, time travel, moon-landings, and other freaky solutions, I tossed around a fun plot based on this notion... and well, then I googled it, which seems to be what I do when I freak out about anything.

After going over all the cool things that happened that day in history, I discovered I was not alone in receiving such emails. Which kinda took the magic out of it.

I found this explanation: ghost email explained and HERE. Which basically says if you check your emails in another timezone you could mess up the UNIX time on your device (Explains the UNIX time) and so it resets to the basic data time of Dec 31, 1969 or Jan 1, 1970 on your device, depending on where you are in the world. This especially happens when you travel from different time zones. I hadn't, but sure. Let's go with that.

Of course, that doesn't explain why I would get an email with that date. I mean, sure my time might reset, but why would I get a blank email from no sender with no subject? What is in my phone creating ghost emails? I mean, I find it taxing enough to make emails, now my phone is just making them up on its own!? That is a strange glitch that I need explained...

On the flip side, it does say this issue is supposed to be fixed with the new updates. I just did my new update, so maybe not yet. I'll give it time...

Now that I'm calm, it's really not a problem, I'll just ignore them. Reset my phone. And forget about it. Right? I mean that's what all writers do when faced with freaky-ass things.

Did this ever happen to you? Did you have ideas about what might be going on? Should I expect it to happen again? Anybody know who to call?

Me Time vs Lunch Time

With routines settling back in and school started again and holidays ending, I got thinking about my routine and the little bit of time I find to get shit done.

Long ago, a friend called me for lunch, and I told her I couldn't meet that day as I had to give my husband a lift to work during my lunch hour (we only had one car and I needed it to get home later... right?) but we could meet the following day. She right out told me that my lunch hours were mine and I shouldn't be doing things for others in this time, especially for a man. He should find his own ride to work and not steal time from my day!

Her comment always felt like one of those enigmas I want to solve but can't wrap my mind around. Wasn't meeting with her for lunch considered doing something for others? I mean, I didn't call her and say she needed to chat with me, she did. Yet I was happy she did, so maybe it was more for me. It's been almost twenty years since her comment and it still confuses me, even after I had her explain it very well. She made it clear that running someone I love to work is not how one spends their lunch hour, visiting with a friend is. Yet... how would I get home from work if he had our car because I chose not give him a lift? Her glare still freaked me out. It was clear she would never find that acceptable no matter what logic I used.

I also remember the health nurse telling us during prenatal class that we had to take Me Time to be a good mother. We had to shower and eat and focus on our health so we could be good parents. Which made me wonder if this is what my friend meant. If I focus on me during this lunch time, will I go back to work a better employee?

Not much has changed in my life. My lunch hours are still not what I consider Me Time. They are Get Shit Done Time.

First off, I have to say, I get plenty of Me Time. I read and write for at least 2-4 hours a day. That is my time to just do my thing, which apparently is writing related. I work, so I appreciate the time I have in it with my family and spending time with them, even if it's to give them a lift somewhere. It is still part of how I want to spend my time. I also love the fact that my family respects my time and so I offer them their own Me Time in return where they listen to music, dance, play sports or video games. Sometimes we all sit side by side, enjoying the company of each other while enjoying our own thing.  I never feel like we're fighting for time alone or with each other, even though we are always busy.

My lunch hour is a part of my work day. I never really thought about it as Me Time. Despite what my friend insisted.

During my lunch, I always call someone who I know is lonely and who I am thinking about, every day, without fail. I always go home to have a long conversation with my dog, because it is really the only time we spend as just the two of us and we both need that time. I always eat. Those are the guarantees and since I can eat and talk on the phone or to the dog, it takes me 15 minutes to do these things which leaves me a lot of time in that hour! I might answer personal emails and visit blogs or read articles or stalk agents. I might have to run someone here or there or meet my best friend or kids for lunch. I might take a webinar that will give me the tools to help someone else. I might spend it helping or teaching someone something. Sometimes, if I feel a migraine might be threatening, I might do some yoga or spend 5 minutes in a quiet place or go for a walk. I might put the laundry in the dryer so we have clean clothes and if there are dishes I will do those. Then I head back to work full of energy and ready to dive back in.

If I was to write or read or put my feet up and just take my Me Time, I doubt I'd be happy about going back to work. I might even turn to page 75 and realize I missed the afternoon of work! lol.

Seriously though, what do you do for Me Time and what do you do during your lunch hour? Does it make you feel better to keep that hour just for you or to share it with others? Are you happy once summer is done and a routine returns?

Me Time vs Lunch Time

With routines settling back in and school started again and holidays ending, I got thinking about my routine and the little bit of time I find to get shit done.

Long ago, a friend called me for lunch, and I told her I couldn't meet that day as I had to give my husband a lift to work during my lunch hour (we only had one car and I needed it to get home later... right?) but we could meet the following day. She right out told me that my lunch hours were mine and I shouldn't be doing things for others in this time, especially for a man. He should find his own ride to work and not steal time from my day!

Her comment always felt like one of those enigmas I want to solve but can't wrap my mind around. Wasn't meeting with her for lunch considered doing something for others? I mean, I didn't call her and say she needed to chat with me, she did. Yet I was happy she did, so maybe it was more for me. It's been almost twenty years since her comment and it still confuses me, even after I had her explain it very well. She made it clear that running someone I love to work is not how one spends their lunch hour, visiting with a friend is. Yet... how would I get home from work if he had our car because I chose not give him a lift? Her glare still freaked me out. It was clear she would never find that acceptable no matter what logic I used.

I also remember the health nurse telling us during prenatal class that we had to take Me Time to be a good mother. We had to shower and eat and focus on our health so we could be good parents. Which made me wonder if this is what my friend meant. If I focus on me during this lunch time, will I go back to work a better employee?

Not much has changed in my life. My lunch hours are still not what I consider Me Time. They are Get Shit Done Time.

First off, I have to say, I get plenty of Me Time. I read and write for at least 2-4 hours a day. That is my time to just do my thing, which apparently is writing related. I work out of the home, so I appreciate the time I have in it with my family and spending time with them, even if it's to give them a lift somewhere. It is still part of how I want to spend my time. I also love the fact that my family respects my time and so I offer them their own Me Time in return where they listen to music, dance, play sports or video games. Sometimes we all sit side by side, enjoying the company of each other while enjoying our own thing.  I never feel like we're fighting for time alone or with each other, even though we are always busy.

My lunch hour is a part of my work day. I never really thought about it as Me Time. Despite what my friend insisted.

During my lunch, I always call someone who I know is lonely and who I am thinking about, every day, without fail. I always go home to have a long conversation with my dog, because it is really the only time we spend as just the two of us and we both need that time. I always eat. Those are the guarantees and since I can eat and talk on the phone or to the dog, it takes me 15 minutes to do these things which leaves me a lot of time in that hour! I might answer personal emails and visit blogs or read articles or stalk agents. I might have to run someone here or there or meet my best friend or kids for lunch. I might take a webinar that will give me the tools to help someone else. I might spend it helping or teaching someone something. Sometimes, if I feel a migraine might be threatening, I might do some yoga or spend 5 minutes in a quiet place or go for a walk. I might put the laundry in the dryer so we have clean clothes and if there are dishes I will do those. Then I head back to work full of energy and ready to dive back in.

If I was to write or read or put my feet up and just take my Me Time, I doubt I'd be happy about going back to work. I might even turn to page 75 and realize I missed the afternoon of work! lol.

Seriously though, what do you do for Me Time and what do you do during your lunch hour? Does it make you feel better to keep that hour just for you or to share it with others? Are you happy once summer is done and a routine returns?