Irrational Fear

My irrational fear?
Spiders on my bathroom ceiling.

It even freaks me out a little just thinking that. Always has. Why, I mean why would a spider be in my bathroom????

As with all irrational fears, it makes sense to me. Spiders in any other setting are neat. On my bathroom ceiling-- not cool. I'm in a vulnerable place where I'm focused and busy. Naked in the shower, pants around the ankles on the toilet, dangerous string between my gums... the list of my vulnerability is endless. I need to know I'm safe in my bathroom and creatures who attempt to defy gravity freak me out a little. What if they fell on me?

You see where I'm going with this, right?

groggy trip to the bathroom
slight movement on my right shoulder

Now I am fully awake screaming at a HUGE GREEN SPIDER on my right shoulder. (Please note that huge is not tarantula size-- we don't do kickass big spiders like that in Saskatchewan-- and I can see my cuz from Mexico rolling his eyes at me that it was just tiny and required no broom at all- apparently that is how he judges their size. And just for the record, if I ever saw a spider that required a broom for me to defend against I would move.)

Regardless, to me it was a monstrous hybrid-spider that was bred on the prairies. A result of too many field chemicals and fresh air. I looked it up, but I was probably the first person alive to ever see a spider like this.  Or maybe, just maybe everyone is actually only concerned with the big ones that require a broom to defend against (I can't imagine a spider that freakishly big.)

This one had a fat round belly like the spiders we find on our wood piles only its big belly was dark green. Its legs were this cool light cream colour. Colour wise it was unique. Never seen one that shade before or even that combo of shades. I got thinking that maybe they only come out at night. We had one something like it only grey on our siding by the front door at one time and it only came out at night. When you'd go outside to check out the stars it would be looking at you all happy with life. Which is fine, spiders belong outside. Not on my right shoulder, at 3am, while I'm on the toilet.  

Its belly was about the size of a dime. Big enough for me to grab onto (which thoroughly freaked me out.) Over all-- now that I'm safely tucked into my bed-- it was a a cool spider.

Where did it come from? By this I mean exactly how did it get on my right shoulder, at 3am, while I was on the toilet? Did it come with me from my bed? (okay we're going to rule that out right now because that will just create a new irrational fear that means I might never sleep again.)

So did it crawl off my toilet paper roll on to my shoulder? No. It was facing up as if it crawled out of my tangtop and was not headed down it. (THANK YOU GOD.) It looked ready to run but was somewhat stunned. (Yes, I caught all that in the moment we looked at each other and we screamed-- do spiders scream? I think this one might have.)

My only explanation is that my lifelong irrational fear came true. It fell from the ceiling (which in my groggy state I might have forgotten to check for spiders before entering and I promise you will never ever happen again) and landed on my shoulder. Does this mean my fear is no longer irrational? Hmmm. I liked it better when it was irrational and not actually a possibility.

As I was thinking about this in my bed, the air conditioner made a slight click that sent me to the ceiling and ended up with me pasted against superman. He of course woke up (finally!) and so I had to tell him my tale.
"Where did it come from?" I asked him so innocently.
He of course answered in the only way he knows-- with the bold honest truth, "They come from the basement." 
I meant how did it get on my shoulder but now all I can focus on is THEY. Should I be expecting a colony (or is that a cluster?) of these uglies? How does one prepare? Part of the fear is the unknown, they always take you off guard. And until that point, I assumed it came originally from outside. Anything green comes from grass, leaves, trees, not my basement. Geepers creepers. Are they breeding down there? What the heck does he mean they come from the basement? That can't be right.

I survived. It did nothing. I felt it right away. It was a cool tiny (no broom was required after all) ordinary spider. So why the heck am I still freaked out?

What is your irrational fear and how do you overcome it when it suddenly ain't so irrational?


Reece said...

I have two irrational fears: snakes (in any circumstance), and heights. The second one is the more irrational of the two because, unless there is a solid barrier between me and the precipice (a barrier tall enough that I can't lean over), the only thing in my head is a veritable montage of me managing to fall to my death somehow. However, put a solid barrier between me and the drop off, and I'm happy as a clam--I love airplanes, as a matter of fact! I always pick the window seat when traveling by air.

By the way, I know it's been a while. Sorry for being such a lame blog friend recently.

Richard said...

All my irrational fears are rational. They make sense to me. They're all based on reality--real or imagined.

Anonymous said...

Worst case scenario, you end up with super spidey senses! I live in an old farmhouse, and every fall it gets infested with ladybugs. I'm always terrified that they'll climb into my bed when I'm sleeping. Ugh. ;)

The Golden Eagle said...

I'm irrationally afraid that mice will somehow get into my bedroom and bite me--despite the fact I know they usually run away from people and that it's unlikely mice even live in the house. :P

Tanya Reimer said...

Hey Reece! Always great to have my partners in crime stop by! Made me chuckle too. A sidekick in my newest MS is afraid of snakes and the hero uses it to his advantage... dangerous to give away your fears! lol.

Richard. You. Are. Too. Funny. HAHAHA. Real or imagined! HAHAHA. Now you got me curious. What does a guy like you imagine that could possibly keep him up fretting all night?

Madeline Jane, I really wanted to laugh, but ladybug phobia is a very serious thing. My daughter is terrified of the beauties. Especially when they gather in swarms. AHHHH!

OMG The Golden Eagle, I am so with you on that one. I had a mouse actually run through my hair when I was younger while I was sleeping. WORST NIGHT EVER. I actually crawled in with my little brother, ya know, in case he could protect me.

DUTA said...

I'm afraid of bees. My fear of them is not irrational. I was stung several times and it was not a pleasant experience.

I don't do anything to attract them - don't wear striking colors or perfumes. And yet,they have a way of picking me up in a crowd which kind of terrifies me.

Pk Hrezo said...

Oh yikes! I can understand your freaking out on the matter. lol
Growing up in the swamps of FLA, I've seen spiders the size of my dad's hand inside the house. It's the worse when you wanna go to sleep and there's a big one in your bedroom. Argh!
Even so, I dont have an irrational fear of them, but I really dont want them in my house. ;)

Elizabeth Varadan aka Mrs. Seraphina said...

Well, I'm not keen on spiders, either, although they don't scare me like they used to. I think bats, maybe. But even they don't scare me, now. I think it's the familiarity thing that takes away the fear-punch: Being a writer for children, I've read a lot of kid science books about small animals and insects and spiders, as well as some chapter books; once you realize they are just another life form trying to get by, they seem like reasonable little critters after all. Just avoid the poisonous ones.

Suzi said...

For me, sometimes its the circumstances of when it happens. A friend says, hey look at this, then slowly holds out a spider. Eww. But not scared.

Spider drops on shoulder unexpectedly... I'd jump a mile high and frantically try slap it away.

One thing that gives me the shivers are leeches. I can bait worms on hooks, but I will never touch a leech.

Vicki Tremper said...

Spiders don't tend to bother me, and when I see them inside I just remind myself that spiders eat flies and mosquitoes. That makes them all right by me.

As to my irrational fear - I'd rather not say. It's bad enough my kids give me a hard time about them.

Victoria Lindstrom said...

I don't like spiders either - or snakes. However, my biggest irrational fear is being in a huge crowd. Minimizing the time spent in a big group - and just doing it - have diminshed my fear...just a bit. Thanks for the humorous post, Tanya!

Misha Gericke said...

Needles and blood. So when I have to draw blood, I close my eyes through the whole procedure. :-D

David P. King said...

Awesome post!

Clowns for me. I know, right, but I have my reasons. :)

Norma Beishir said...

Not such an irrational fear. I saw on the news that our unusually mild winter has resulted in an abundance of black widows and brown recluses....

Juliana L. Brandt said...

LOL! I cracked up at the THEY moment :)

My fear- cockroaches on the bathroom ceiling. Why? Because apparently that happens down south (though, admittedly, never to me). Gross.

J.L. Campbell said...

Yup, spiders can be a little off-putting, but frogs get me every time. I think they're one of the nastiest things ever made and they have the not-so-nice habit of burrowing down in my flowerpots and frightening the colour off me when they make sudden moves.

Margo Berendsen said...

Oh goodness i have a spider phobia, fortunately we live in a coldish dry climate where the spiders don't get very big or prolific - I usually only find one in the house once or twice a year. But yes we are way too vulnerable in the bathroom for eight legged visitors!!! And, AND, I saw a tarantula - not a large one - but still, a freakin' tarantula, a wild one not an escapee from the pet store - just 150 miles south of us - yikes, might need to move further north!