Auntie B's Book Club Contest

Brendra Lee Drake is Hosting A Contest Click HERE for details.

Last week, I won Miserere by Teresa Frohock from Brenda's site so I owe her a HUGE thank you! The book sounds so AWESOME!


Anyway, this is the contest I decided to enter this week. Yup, try my luck again over there. It's fun because the judges are 4 college students. Now. They want the first 250 words of anything that has characters between the ages of 12 and 25. So everything I write qualifies. Since the prize is for a synopsis critique I'm going with a MS that could use a synopsis critique; Finding Balance.

Now, no one has read the intro to this piece yet, so it might need work, that's why I'm posting it. If you feel it needs love, please share away!! The point of the contest is to grab the interest of 4 college girls so they'd pick up my "book" in a bookstore after reading the blurb and the first 250 words. (Honestly, that's always the point of what I write. Isn't it?) I have more words than needed, but I assume that will change as the love rolls in, so I'm going with.

35 word Pitch: Addicted to drugs and sex, Watcher isn't sure if She-devil Sly's entrancement will kill him or save him. He needs balance fast, but everything stands in his way from dark whisperers to his future self.

Title: FINDING BALANCE from the Notebook Chronicles of 1917
Genre: Urban Fantasy
Thanks for your help, and good luck to all the participants, I hope you have fun!!
CONTEST ENTERED THANKS FOR THE HELP

10 comments:

kitforbes said...

Hello!

Your 250 word sample was intriguing. I'd read on to learn more about this word and the characters.

Your logline was confusing, though. It needs to be more cohesive. Perhaps you can start out with emphasis on your character:

Addicted to drugs and sex with the devil, Watcher hates the man he's become. He needs balance fast (<--and his dilemma what’s stopping him obtaining it goes here)

Tanya Reimer said...

Actually I love that suggestion Kitforbes! Thanks!

Mindy McGinnis said...

I think it's a good 250, and the logline was fantastic - you had my attention! I like the tweak above though. Let us know what happens!

vbtremper said...

I like the logline, but I'm a little confused about what the consequences are of not meeting his goal.

In the sample, I love "I didn't give a flying whisper"! In the 2nd paragraph after the oracle asks about Sly, I think those need to either be 2 sentences, or use since after the comma to join them (He'd learnt it was safer to ask, since a devil like her...). I've never seen creeped written as crept in this context. You say a few times that the oracle is ugly, but you don't show us. Love that last question!

Good luck, Copine!
-Vicki

Richard said...

Even though the story is in past tense, I like to see internal thoughts in present tense. For example: Cassie Grey? Why 'does' that sound familiar?.

Valentina Hepburn said...

The logline is intriguing. You couldn't read something like that without wanting to read on.
Love to know what happens next, Tanya

Richard said...

The set up is quite good. You give us a lot of information about the setting, the characters, and the delimma facing the main character, and you do it with a great deal of economy. It's a good opening chapter so far.

Stephanie Mooney said...

The pronouns in your pitch confused me a bit. When you said "her entrancement" I didn't realize you meant the devil.

Good luck!

stickynotestories said...

I agree with Stephanie - I thought "her" was Watcher and "he" was the devil (I'm used to thinking of the devil as male). So when I started reading the excerpt I thought Watcher was a female, not a male. Clear that up and I think it's a really good piece! I definitely read on :)

Good luck in the contest!

Misha said...

Hmm... this sounds like an interesting story. I'd be intrigued.

^_^