If You Could Get Just One Wish

So if you could get just one wish, what would it be?

I used to always say, "I'll save it, thanks."

I mean, I didn't want to waste it.

That one wish, it only comes once in a lifetime 
and it needs to be used at exactly the right moment 
if it's to impact the rest of your life.- this is what I believe.

A book deal would be nice, but if I work hard, I'll see that, and really, having a book deal won't change how I write or why I write, in fact, if I'm not ready, it'll only make things worse. So why waste a wish on that, right? No. I just can't wish for something I should work for.

Winning big at the lottery is what someone told me they wanted, but that is really not what I want at all. Not because I'm above money, (I do have to eat and the only things I seem to kill are plants) but because I believe in balance. Can you imagine how affected my Karma would be if I won a sea of money? I could never do enough good with it, I'd just drive myself nuts. I don't even buy a ticket and hubby told me if he ever wins, he won't tell me, respecting my Karma and all. No. I just can't wish for something I can never pay back to the universe.

Going back in time to change a moment is a wish I hear often, too. Again, the choices I made, were in that moment with the knowledge I had at hand. Changing that would change my entire life and maybe not for the good. So no. I just can't risk my wish changing other people's lives.

So you see, I really had everything I always wanted or I knew how to get what I didn't have or really, I was able to just accept what life dealt me. So it only made sense to save my wish for that day I needed it.

I'm cashing it in today. Right now. This is me wishing for the first time in my life. I've got my eyes close and I'm wasting my only wish because without it, my life will forever change in a way I'm not familiar with.

I woke up needing something I can no longer access. I can no longer breathe properly without. I can't work for it and it affects no one but me-- selfish old me and the little girl crying inside me.

I wish for ten minutes with my dad.

I won't be greedy and demand more. Just ten. My entire life he's been there to offer those ten minutes whenever I needed it. Once, he even said, "Just wait a minute there is a line up of men needing to talk to me, let me lock the door so they don't bother us." Yeah, he said that. I told him I could call back, but no, I had ten minutes of his undivided attention to talk about nothing.

And that's just it, what would I say in ten minutes that warrants having a line up of angry men at me? Worth wasting my once in a lifetime wish for? Not much actually, I would just talk like we normally did, about life, dreams, he'd know exactly what to say. We'd for sure laugh about some story he'd share. Probably the one about him trying to grow money in his backyard. It just feels like that type of story day. Ten minutes is always a long time. He'd have time to give me heck about something- he always had time for that. I'd give him heck for something, too. There might even be enough time to just sit silently and enjoy our together time. And then, I'd hug him, because there was nothing a dad hug couldn't draw out of me.

It's not the conversation I need. Or even the hug. It's the moment I walk away, the energy he'd leave me with to face life again. That's what I really need today and I have to waste my wish on this because I don't know how else to get it.


Gosh.

A moment. A conversation. A hug I can no longer get.
I never in my life thought I'd use my wish for that. But I'm cashing it in.

So. If you could get just one wish, what would it be?

10 comments:

Catherine A. Winn said...

This was so poignant and I don't think it's a waste. Sit quietly, close your eyes and imagine your dad's hug...you might just come away feeling like your wish was granted. (Yup I'm a big, closet romantic)

Victoria Lindstrom said...

Tanya - Your post made me stop and ponder for several minutes. I'm not surprised by the kind of fellow your father must have been -having a daughter like you! My wish would have to be to live long enough to see a grandchild in our family. With three grown sons, and none of them married, it may only be a dream!

Vicki Tremper said...

What a beautiful post. I'd wish for you to get those 10 minutes. If I'm lucky enough to get a 2nd wish, then I'd wish for 10 minutes with my grandparents. I really miss them. And I really wish they could know my kids. They'd just love 'em. (And now I'm crying again.)

Richard said...

I'm speechless.

Christina Lee said...

I'm having a hard time thinking of a wish b/c I'm so focused on yours--that was so lovely and powerful to read. Whoa. (((hugs)))

Jan Morrison said...

That was just perfect Tanya. And you know - I'd wish for just the same thing...my Dad has been gone a bit over a year and wow I miss him every minute. Thanks for this - I'm so glad I stopped by.

Tanya Reimer said...

Thank you Catherine, I will.

Victoria, a dream is really all a wish is sometimes.

Vicki, they would love them to pieces. And sorry I made you cry.

Richard. I am speechless that you are! Lol. You always know just what to say.

Christina, hugs back.

Thanks Jan. I am so sorry for your loss. Nothing can ever fill that loss, can it?

The Golden Eagle said...

Beautiful, moving post.

DUTA said...

Very touching post!

If it's only One Wish we're talking about, then I have no doubt of what it is: Good Health.

If I'm healthy, then I could handle the good and the bad that life gives us, the past and present, the routine and the unexpected.

Ricardo Miñana said...

have an interesting space, a great pleasure to read you.
if you like the poetry I invite you to my space.
happy day.
a greeting.