Living the Rockstar Life, When You're This Far From Being a Rockstar

I am not a rockstar in any normal regular sense of that word. Let's just make that clear.

Here are the reasons I am not your traditional rockstar, nor will I ever be:
  • No one in their right mind would let a klutz like me near any type of valuable instrument unless they really hated the owner. I never met anyone that angry-- yet. 
  • I have no idea what it feels like to hold a guitar. Even though my parents owned several and sang to me often. Both had incredible voices, btw.
  • I took several instruments apart when I was younger and climbed inside my piano once, trying to figure out how the heck they worked for others and not for me. magic?  
  • I had a trumpet once, but we won't relive that tragedy. Poor thing is probably in Florida by now. Does our creek flow that far south? Possibly. Maybe some frogs made it their home.
  • My parents wanted to have a family band. I am probably the reason that dream went to the soup.
  • I can't sing. Not a note. In fact, I'm that poor child the nuns at school would ask politely to mouth the words and not actually voice them. 
  • I wrote a cool song once that I hear in my brain, but I have no idea how to turn the lyrics into musical notes and I can't even hum it to you, I suck that bad. Please don't ask me to.

Which is sad really, because I love music. It inspires me, pushes me and I enjoy every type of music out there. Being an artist myself, I have a deep understanding of what goes into being a musician and it fascinates me.The entire process is magical. Like weaving a tale, no two songs are alike and each artist brings a new voice to the table. Like different genres, each arrangement offers something I can get lost in.

What intrigues me the most is the dream a true artist has, and this is where the rockstar part comes in, in a very non-traditional sense.
  • It's seen as a twinkle in their eye when they discuss the craft with other artists or how they almost climb on the table in excitement when someone "gets" them. 
  • It shows in how they take care of their instruments, even if their house is a bloody whirlwind.
  • It's clear in how they forget others are listening and just melt into the melody they love as if it consumes them. This in turn washes out onto us, the audience, and captivates us like a magical spell. 
  • It's so much more, though. There's the determination, which really I can't explain. It's almost an obsession, really. 
  • The working late into the night because you suck and can't have anyone witness the horror you're about the do. 
  • There's the thick skin when others tell you to just conform to society and give up already! 
  • There's the itch that gets them at the oddest times. You know they're thinking about perfecting their craft and not the conversation you're holding. Not that you're boring- just something you said inspired them. Sure. Let's put it that way.
  • There's the creativity they unleash that astounds and makes us tear instruments apart to find out how the heck they did THAT!
When they reach rockstar status, there's the humble attitude that makes people think they have it easy, even though you and I know they're up all night studying, learning, perfecting, being harder on themselves than anyone deserves.
Yet we want to be them because they are living their dreams. Rockstars are magical creatures.
They know their stuff and yet they don't go around bragging about it. In fact, I just watched a show where a really BIG rockstar said something like this (I am going from memory here); "Who am I to judge your singing? What do I know, really." geesh, if he doesn't know, who the heck does? It gives us a glimmer of who a rockstar really is, doesn't it?

The rockstar is me, you, all of us. We're just at different points of living our dreams, but it's the living them that makes us the rockstars. -This is what I want to believe.
So imagine how thrilled I was when someone told me I was living the rockstar life. This is how that conversation went:
This tall guy I've known since forever just gives me the once over with his eyes and chuckles. "Yup, a rockstar. Makes me envious."
 My hubby grins, in that evil way he does. "Heck yeah, we're living the dream," he agrees much too eagerly. Clearly, he has a different definition of being a rockstar than most, but good for him, right? lol.
Made me think that maybe there was more to being a rockstar than the traditional definition. It's the journey that makes you a rockstar, no? Best thing someone ever told me, because I really am a rockstar, deep inside. I work my gig until late in the night. I've seen the starving artist days and I pushed through them trying things others frowned upon. I offer advice to others and yet, really, who am I but an idiot mouthing the words to a melody she hears in her head?

Yet, I do everything I imagine a rockstar does except sing-- instead I write. I do it with passion, with determination, and with a twinkling dream in my eye that I don't really care if I achieve because I feel like I'm living it right now.

So I kick back after a long week of working two jobs (one I'm not even paid for) and raising a family, enjoying the quiet of 3 am. There's a MS snuggled in beside me that sucks beyond belief. Two empty bottles lay on the floor. Powerades. The drink of real rockstars. I don't remember which order I drank them in, but the red ones are for stressful moments. I check. Two reds. Geesh. Maybe I won't reread the verbial vomit I just was lost in. It probably sucks so bad it'll make my eyes bleed. Why do I think I can write again? Doesn't matter, no one will see it until it's ready for the world. Hubby mumbles something about snuggling with lights off. There's an idea. Sleep. I'm done writing anyway. Anyone who needs two red Powerades in one night to write shouldn't be allowed near a pen and paper. I can't keep this up. Yet as I close my eyes, this tingling excited feeling washes over me. I can't wait to see the MS in the light of day. With fresh eyes. It's gonna be my best piece yet. Has to be. I'm always that much smarted at 3 am. I mean really, who isn't? The paper crumples as I roll over it. Just another story no one needs to know about.

Having fun living your dreams? What did you do today that made you feel like a rockstar?


Victoria Lindstrom said...

As usual Tanya - a delightful post! I was thinking this is going to be exciting when you mentioned two bottles...Powerade! HaHa! I guess the thing I did today that made me feel like a star was to start a FB Fan page. (However, I can't bear to call it that - it's just a writer page.) Thanks so much - you made me smile!

E.J. Wesley said...

A midnight Powerade kind of girl, huh? : ) Loved this post, Tanya!

Twitter for me. Love rocking the Twitter. *tongue stabbing through my cheek*

Richard said...

I have no musical talent, not a drop. So I know what you're saying.

It's good that you have such a positive view of yourself. That's enough to make you a star by itself.

Vicki Tremper said...

I'm a bit of a musician and have passed it on to my kids. But I love the parallels you draw. Magical! Let's see, today's rockstar moment...having an editor call me talented.

Elliot Grace said...

...loved reading this post, Tanya, and glad I hopped over.

Born without a lick of talent in the musical biz, my son beat the odds and has taken a liking to it. At fifteen, he's found a niche for himself with both the guitar, and the sax.

Ironically, he's currently posted on my blog, playing Seven Nation Army.


Elizabeth Varadan aka Mrs. Seraphina said...

I love music, too. My mother was an opera singer (not famous, but always wanting to be, she was good, too, and it's a shame she never realized her dream.) She hoped she had passed it on to me. Well, she passed on the love of opera, but I veer toward the quieter arts, writing and painting. Anything on a stage frightens me. I have musical nieces and nephews though; they play blues and rock -- not quite her dream either. :-)

Tanya Reimer said...

Victoria- Glad I made you smile. We have to laugh at ourselves once in awhile. Keeps us sane in this insane profession.

EJ- glad you got Twitter under control. And yes, I am THAT type of girl. hee hee

Richard- sad thing, those positive notes come in waves. Most days, I just suck- I'm sure all rockstars feel that way though at some point.

Vicki- Squee!!!! Good for you, finally getting noticed.

Elliot- nice to meet you and loved the kids jamming out. Magical indeed.

Elizabeth- I bet she'd be sooooo proud of them anyway. Music is music. I'd be thrilled if my kids wrote anything and got to hold that finished product. Anything, even a bathroom tissue wrap. Cool. It's the journey really, not the moment in the lights.

Teresa Cypher aka T K CypherBuss said...

lolol! I love it! It made me laugh, Tanya, but it made me think too. I'd call this one a huge success! :-)

Beautiful: "Yet, I do everything I imagine a rockstar does except sing-- instead I write. I do it with passion, with determination, and with a twinkling dream in my eye that I don't really care if I achieve because I feel like I'm living it right now."

Have a good weekend, all!

Crack You Whip said...

My only talent is writing so I guess in that sense I am a "rockstar."

The greatest thing that I did all week, though, was buy my son a puppy. In just the few days we have had it, I can see an amazing difference in my son's outlook on life.

Of course, I am dealing with fleas now...

Great post!

patonlorraine said...

Great post, Tanya. I love the way you describe the process of writing and the tingling joy it brings.

My rockstar moment from today? Someone retweeted me. :)

Shallee said...

I love this post! I love what you said about all of us being rock stars at different stages. :)

Today...I wrote a blog post. That made me feel like a rock star because I haven't done it in a while! lol

DUTA said...

What you say about your musical 'talents' I say about my drawing 'talents'. I always whine of not being able to draw even a straight line.

I have two or three blog followers that are painters. I sometimes leave comments on their blogs regarding some painting, and when I see they take me seriously I feel like a..rockstar.

J.L. Campbell said...

Tanya, this is an inspiring post. Your musical lack of talent made me smile, I can only imagine how you felt when you realized you had no talent in that direction, but you have found your niche, so it's all good.

Valentina Hepburn said...

If you feel like a rockstar, you probably are one. I think it's about knowing that you're different to everyone else in the room - and enjoying the feeling. We writers have our own secret selves - few of my friends know my aspirations, but if rockstars are drug takers (I think there's a chance some of them might be) my drug of choice is writing. I get such a kick from it. You definitely rock, Tanya. ~Don't ever forget that when the grey mist descends. And get a messy hair do. That helps.

Tanya Reimer said...

Teresa- glad to get ya chuckling and thinking.

Crack You Whip- Oh my gosh, have fun with that puppy!!

Pantonlorraine- Look at you go girl! Retweets rock!

Shallee- blogging is kinda rockstar like... stalkers and all.

Oh Duta I loved what you said! Yes!!! That always makes me feel rockstar-like too.

J.L.- That's the problem, eh, a rockstar doesn't feel all that talented some days.

Valentina- the hair ain't a problem in this wind we're getting. I should fit right in. LOL.

Susan Kane said...

In my head I am a ballerina, but lacking a sense of rhythm and being a klutz--well, you know how it is.

Living my dreams? Dreams changed as I matured and developed other talents. Now I dream of getting published, and that could happen.