Those Tricky First Lines

Wow. I survived my first blog fest. Honestly, a month ago, I had no idea what that was, but I would have guessed it involved a little more beer than it did. My fault, I ran out.

So? What did I learn? Wow. I found some incredible new blogs to follow, and see a few more talented writers are following my life. Welcome home, I missed you.

I can't believe the talent that is out there. I never made it through all 130plus entries, but I did read over 30. They all impressed the words right out of me. Clearly, the world needs more agents and publishers to give us all a home.

Now, as for my comments. The feedback was amazing and I took everything into consideration. Now the fun part about playing God is that I know what comes next, and no one else does, and so, my first sentence became two.

Here are my first sentences, revised based on the comments I received.
Unlike my son, I liked the idea of not knowing who I was in past lives. I was a man firmly planted in the present, in fact, oracles were out of the question.

What surprised me the most was that everyone thought my MC was a woman. Looking at all the other entries, male MCs aren't that common, so I need to establish that from the get go.

Also, it was suggested to tighten it by removing, the idea, but as god of this piece, that is sadly the key words, it's the idea of something so innocent that he's holding onto, thanks to his son and his meddling.  
What do you all think of these revisions? Any feedback is welcome-- I have to enter that first sentence today.
Thanks everyone, especially Brenda Drake for such a fun contest!

4 comments:

E. Arroyo said...

Congrats on surviving. I missed this one, but think those first two lines would draw me in. It gives me world building info too. Good job!

Richard said...

I like your latest version best. Good luck.

Linda Gray said...

I LOVE that first line. Nice improvement on the original, which I also liked. Congratulations, Tanya, you hit a home run.

Sarah Allen said...

Ooh, very exciting :) Super cool! Best of luck with this.

Sarah Allen
(my creative writing blog)