Brenda Drake is hosting a contest for the best first line.
Prizes from Weronika:
1st place — a critique of the first 50 pages + query
2nd place — a critique of the first 25 pages + query
3rd place — a critique of the query
2nd place — a critique of the first 25 pages + query
3rd place — a critique of the query
Post the first line of a completed manuscript on your blog between the 7th - 8th February and invite criticism. I'm coming in late, but I'll do my best to catch up.
Then post your improved first line on Brenda’s blog on 9th February.
Name: Tanya Reimer
Title: SURVIVING THE STORM
Genre: Urban fantasy
Unlike my son, I like the idea of not knowing who I was in past lives, and I certainly never asked oracles for their predictions.
Thanks guys! Keep them coming.
REVISED:
Unlike my son, I liked the idea of not knowing who I was in past lives, and I certainly never asked oracles for their predictions.
14 comments:
Interesting. Does she have a different power then?
I have a feeling that her son's fascination is going to get them into a great deal of trouble. I'm intrigued.
Well that's interesting. I'm intrigued!
So far, I Like your first line the best!
Intriguing first line, but the tenses threw me a little. Like is present, then "who I was" makes me look to the past, then "never asked" is past again.
I'm hooked. I have a good feel for what this protagonist is like and some ideas about what she might be coming up against, and I like the voice. Re: Pensees point about the tenses, I think the 'was' works fine since it's the dependent part of a present tense phrase , but if you changed 'asked' to 'ask' it's more active. Nicely done!
This is a great first line. I think you could tighten it just al ittle and it would be even more compelling. Maybe something like:
Unlike my son, I don't like knowing who I was in past lives, and I've never asked oracles for their predictions.
but even as it stands, it comveys so much intrigue
great revision - it reads very fluid. I also like Loralie's suggestion. Overall, I really like the concept.
Well done.
Interesting - makes me want to read on, for sure, to find out what's going on!
Very cool, you give us an idea of who the character is. I might say that it read better without the second independent clause "and I never..."
Intriguing! I think mom and son could be heading for some trouble. Yes?
The voice of the character is present already and this sentence sets up the plot nicely. I'd read on for sure! christy
I like this. I would definitely read on.
I love the concept- I'm a sucker for stories of past lives!
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